I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
