Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
