Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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