you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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