she was so not down for the gang bang
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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