I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
