whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Randomize
