She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i love accidental penises.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
