btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
