She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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