Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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