I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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