This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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