bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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