Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I sprained my soul last night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
