I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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