Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
