Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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