someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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