none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My penis needs a shock collar
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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