well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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