I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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