their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
