i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
