It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
