Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
