I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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