omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
