Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
