Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
