Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
