I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
