My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
