if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
