Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
