If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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