Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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