Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize