Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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