I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
