If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
