Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize