Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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