after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
