my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
