Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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