Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
