i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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