yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
