i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
