dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
