ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
