Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize