Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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