life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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