I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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