there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
