i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Houston, we have a blender
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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