we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
