You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
