Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
