goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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