I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
