i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
