I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
