i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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