I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
