I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
