I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
