Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had to cum in my sink.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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