3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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