I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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