just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
