It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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