oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
