i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
