The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
