Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
