Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
