drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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