hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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