Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
