You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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