Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize