I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
