What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
