I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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