It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
