I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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