my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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