I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize