I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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