i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
