so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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