First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
