That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
