I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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