She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
