Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
