i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
