i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
