my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You have to summon your inner elephant
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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