I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
