I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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