You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
